We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
