Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
