How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
