Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
