Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
