the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
