All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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