He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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