I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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