I puked a lego.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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