marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
