maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
