did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
