You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
