I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
