My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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