i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
