She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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