i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
