pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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