So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
