I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
