You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
