dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Randomize
