You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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