I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
