What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
