I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
