i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
