I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
