he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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