but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
