I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
