He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
