Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
