she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
