we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
