I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
