There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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