So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
