Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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