Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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