Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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