She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
