did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
