when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Nicole vs. Life
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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