I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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