another moral hangover. fuck.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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