What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
