My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
