If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
